The Funeral Song
by Sky-Pirate-Tat
Summary: Albedo reveals his power to regenerate and learns that he is the only one with this ability. What does one think about when they cannot die? While the others perish, his fate is to stand alone amidst the wreckage.


**_Disclaimer:_****_I do not own the rights to the Xenosaga Universe. I am not writing this for a profit. I am writing this to express my love for the game, the characters, and to deepen my writing abilities._**

The Funeral Song

_By Tat_

_"Because I could not stop for Death --  
He kindly stopped for me --   
The carriage held but just ourselves  
And Immortality."  
_-Emily Dickinson_  
_  
_"And another of his disciples said unto him, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father.  
But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead."_

Matthew 8:21-22

OoO

When you're about to die, the pain itches around the body and tears at it with agony until it aches and the limbs bolt into twitches. (But if your wounds spout from detached limbs, you hallucinate, believing them to have never left.) Your surroundings grow hazy, as do your thoughts. You struggle to keep ahold of yourself, but at some point pain is nonexistent and you grow numb. The will to live is forgotten. It feels as if you're about to fall sleep and your eyelids droop. The body grows slack, until you drift off. But other times, death lashes out in an instant. The eyes bulge in shock and—snap—your consciousness shatters. I have touched Death's hand but never followed him home. I never thought deeply on it, assuming my brothers had this ability also. "Regenerate…?"

Rubedo's voice was shaky. He seemed bewildered by what I showed him. My carefree smile faltered as I registered the tone. He continued to stare at me, shocked; he bit his lip and his shoulders grew taut. In an instant, his fist connected with my cheek. I went airborne from the force but then crumbled to the ground. "Idiot!" he yelled. With wide eyes, I patted my swollen cheek. Rubedo's attack wasn't what shocked me; it was the reaction I had received when I mentioned my ability to conquer death.

Nigredo grasped Rubedo by the wrist in case he chose to beat "sense" into me again. Nigredo looked at me for a moment, then his eyes lowered.

"That is an ability only you possess," he told me. A silence fell. My brothers were unsure what to say. I trembled inside, mouth agape. "No…"

My voice quivered and I clenched my fists. Pain welled up inside of me. It was unbelievable how much pain I was taking in. I felt like ripping myself apart to destroy myself, to just feel the rush, but I knew nothing would remove this realization. _My brothers can die._ I struggled to my feet, and half-walked, half-crawled to Rubedo, sniffling.

"No!" I cried, as I jumped towards him and grasped him by the legs, sliding down to his feet. "Only me…" I whispered in anguish.

"…You're both going to die and leave me behind?" I squeezed my eyes shut, spilling tears onto my cheeks. Rubedo bent down and wrapped me in the nest of his arms. He squeezed me softly and looked at me tenderly. "Don't say things like that. Now you're making me cry," he lamented. "You should rest," Nigredo advised. Rubedo nodded. "Yeah."

He carefully stood up and tugged at my arm to get up. "Come on. I'll lay down with you until you fall asleep." I shook my head rapidly. "No. Sleep with me." Rubedo brushed back a strand of red hair and gave me a half-smile. "Okay." The whole way to our room, he held my hand to assure me he wouldn't abandon me. Nigredo watched me with sad eyes, unable to find words to soothe me. Rubedo was bountiful in them. Upon reaching our room Rubedo waved Nigredo off, saying he would take care of things, and that he should tell Dad that I wasn't well. Nigredo began to walk out, pausing for a moment and turning his head towards me. Our eyes met and then he left the room. Rubedo pressed his finger to the light switch and the room dimmed. He stood there for a short time, allowing his eyes to adjust, then he sauntered over, crashed to the bed and rolled closer to me. He gave a sigh and his hot breath kissed my cheek, calming my shaking nerves. He drew in a breath, as he placed his left hand on my shoulder, attempting to show sympathy. "Rubedo—"

" Please don't think about it." "Am I the only one who can't--?" I asked. "Shut up," he whispered. "Why can't I die!" I demanded. "Don't think about it!"

I felt his fingertips dig into me and winced, pulling my shoulders up in defense. A moment passed and he retracted his nails and moved his hand from my shoulder. "I'm sorry," he said, regretful of his brash action. He rubbed the area he had harmed, not surprised by my feigned reaction towards him. When I finally relaxed, he wrapped his arms around me soothingly. My lids fell and I sighed, twitching a little. "I want to die," I said with a lolling, sleepy tongue.

OoO

_The air was still around me. It was suffocating, empty. I pressed my fingertip to the glass daintily and peered through to other side. There on the other side was a field. Stalks of grass and wheat lazily waved at the sunshine. A butterfly bobbed up and down, frantically searching for flowers, and in its search tested out a piece of wheat and in disgust shook violently before lifting off. In the distance was an apple tree, already bearing fruit. The fruit was so plump that the branches drooped close to the ground. It was a surprise to see that none of the branches had given in yet and snapped. Faint humming lifted my attention from the tree to a grown man with red hair. From a closer look I realized that it was an adult version of Rubedo. Rubedo leaned back with his chest thrust out, watching the tree leaves with a smirk. He picked a flower and stuck it in the corner of his mouth, suckling at the stem. The redhead's gaze ventured to a snoozing raven-haired man, whom he prodded with his toes. Nigredo swatted the foot away and rolled over. I called my brother's name out, asking him to let me in, but he didn't seem to hear me. He was preoccupied with nudging Nigredo, who responded by giving him sloppy smacks to the head. "Rubedo!" I called again, this time demandingly. "Let me in!"_

_I banged on the glass, a vain effort. I tried to grab his attention by throwing a tantrum, taking my frustrations out on the glass barrier. My fists echoed against that smooth clear surface, further reminding me how futile my efforts were. I dropped my fists, gathering my breath with wide eyes when the redhead's crisp laugh rang in my ears. He sounded so close. But he wasn't. I pressed my face against the glass._

"_I want to go too. Why can't I be there?"_

_My hand fell upon a rock and I grazed my thumb along the edge. It was knifelike. Rubedo's cheery laughter again filled my senses, and anger danced in my veins. I clenched my hand around the rock, exposing the tip, raising it up over my head. Wetness drizzled down my cheeks and dripped at my chin. I felt my arms swing, about to hit the glass, when someone—something grasped me by the wrist. I paused. The creature's ice-cold fingers, though gingerly holding me back, were enough to make me release my grasp of the rock. I turned my head to see a prepubescent girl in a nurse uniform holding me back She stared at me quietly, with dull yet ethereal eyes and a listless part of her pale lips (which clashed with her tanned skin). She relinquished my hand and stepped back, as if she were expecting something from me. I turned back to the glassed barrier for any signs of danger, only to find that the glass was fogged up. I tried peering through the fog to no avail, then turned my whole attention and anger to the girl. I felt her listless gaze, responding with a glare. She continued to stand there, unaffected. "What's your problem?" I asked._

_I raised a brow. The wind blew through her hair, raising it up in tangles, then the wind died down and her hair fell down her back like a thick curtain of silk. Her body swayed and she seemed not to hear me. _

_"What's your problem?" I demanded an answer. She didn't speak or show sign of life. She simply stood there in an odd tranquility. My brows knit together in annoyance and I strode over to the girl. She reacted by taking a step back and lowering her gaze. I gave a half-smile, silently promising I wouldn't hurt her, as I lay a hand on her face and lightly caressed her cheek. Cautiously, slowly, she peered at me with those dull golden eyes, her lips taut, unsure of my intentions and doubting my promises. Her lips parted as if she were about to say something, but reconsidered when our eyes met. Luminous but dull eyes, containing an innocence deeper than a child's… So innocent that it had to be fake. I lifted my hand from her face and ran it through her hair. The repetition of petting soothed her. Seeing that her guard was down I curled my fingers around the strands of her silver hair and pulled harshly. Her eyes and mouth widened, though she didn't shriek. Pull and release, pull and release. Her head teetered to and fro from the force, until her head tumbled to the floor and soon after, her other limbs followed suit. The curve of her hand brushed against my ankle and twitched, prompting me to kick her hand away. As her hand rolled on the floor it made a low whistle (much like that of marbles), and then clacked against the pile of her assorted limbs. A spark fluttered from the soft sickening click clack of detached parts, picked up, and then a blaze. Raging tingles of gold and sun yellow stretched out to wrap around my legs. I stumbled back, my eyes as wide as disks and my heart fighting in my chest. _I shouldn't be afraid of this—I can't die,_ trying to recover composure. The heat curled around my legs, latching on then crawling upwards. On its journey it branded me with burn marks. I could smell crisped hair and tasted unruly pain. It swallowed me up in an instant, peeling into my flesh like a banana and darkening it charcoal black until it brittled into ash. Like my body, my consciousness was also swept into flame, scarcely giving me a last thought._

_  
…But that thought is forgotten._

OoO

My body twitched and I was hurled from my dreams, finding myself covered in sheets and sweat. I heard the sound of a page flickering and looked up at Rubedo, who met my gaze and carefully laid the book in his lap (making sure to keep his place). "Sleep well?" He gave a smile that quickly sank. The sight of him frowning conflicted with the image of him in my vision. I remembered clearly the bright smile he had carried, the sunny flush on his cheeks, and the laugh that hurt my conscious. _Death—bliss._ I placed a hand on his chest, which took him by surprise, but he relaxed and watched my palm settle on his heartbeat. One beat, two beats, three… I quickly pulled my hand away. The blood drained from my face. I rubbed the hand that had felt Rubedo's heart and eyed the book he was reading, unable to face him. Realizing that I didn't wish to be bothered, he lifted his book from his lap, only to drop it soon after. His muttered curse grabbed my attention. My brother was suckling his thumb, his eyes crossed, half-staring at his fallen book, and at his thumb.

He pulled it from his mouth and stared with a disgusted regret, "That was sick. Why did I do that?" I leaned closer to see what the matter was and nearly swallowed my tongue. A thread of red was beginning to twine around his thumb. I had seen the substance before when we were sent to war, finding it beautiful, but at this moment, it was different. It scared me. "It's just a paper cut." Rubedo waved it off. I violently shook my head with my eyes tightly shut. The images from my dream, the truth… all of it was burdensome. I bit my lip, taking a sideways glance at the cut and the blood spoiling my brother and stumbled out of bed, falling to the floor with the covers wrapped around my ankles. "Albedo! Wait!"

He reached out a hand and I cast it away, hurriedly untangling the slew of covers and sheets from my ankles and ran out of the room. I didn't think about where I was going or why I ran away. I numbly went with my instincts, unable to see, feel, or hear those I ran into or whisked past. For a minute I thought I felt Nigredo's hand clamp around my shoulder or that I had heard his voice, urging me to tell him what was troubling me. Suddenly, I felt my chest heave and my knees buckled. I felt like I had regained consciousness, when really I had been awake the whole time. My senses awoke to the smell of soil. I found myself at the center of the park, enclosed in a brick wall ring. The trees shielded me from the artificial sunlight while the dust kept me grounded. Rubedo—red—blood. My hands sunk beneath the soil and I began to dig.

OoO

**_A/N: I hope you enjoyed this. Please tell me what you thought. Criticism and compliments are most appreaciated! hugs Thank you!_**


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